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We just got beat by a Punter!

EXPOSED I say!

I give all due credit to Sproles, who had a very good day, but make no mistake about it, the Indianapolis Colts were just beaten by a punter.  Mike Scifres put 6 boots down range and 4 were inside the ten.  That is the best game by a punter I have ever seen or heard of.  I have seen a guy kick well and then stick a dandy on the three, but I have never seen a guy so clearly dominate the game with punting. 

Other bad things happened.  The poor offensive line was hideously exposed.  They are miserable blockers in both phases.   If your blocking is so bad that  you have to isolate your center one on one against Jamal Williams, you deserve to be molested by elephant seals.  Jeff Saturday is a great player, but no center in the game can block Williams one on one for 60 minutes and only an idiot could expect them to NOT dog the middle backer behind WIlliams in the second half. 

The Colts defense, in my opinion, has had its last chance to prove that it can survive in its current incarnation.  I accept that Brackett was out, and that our starting corners (who have been difference makers) are out, but enough is enough.  Freddie Keiaho showed promise but not enough improvement by his third year to satisfy me.  The situation at the tackle position is untenable, and Bill Polian needs to be made to address it now.  While the depth at safety is good, our backup corners give it up like Madonna did when she was young enough to matter. 

I am too sick, and too tired to go into this in depth.  I will later this week.  I am going to watch the games today, but will probably mute them as I cannot bear to hear anything from announcers right now.  Till then I am going to get my sleeping bag out, drink a Duvel or two and sob into oblivion.
 

Indianapolis Colts Wild Card Preview

The Colts hit the road to sunny San Diego tomorrow to take a shot at advancing.  Current thought says that the newly anointed NFL MVP Peyton Manning is going to line up against a poorly ranked Charger defense and beat them up, but I bow to the former Hoosier football coach Lee Corso and say, "Not so fast."

I want to look at injuries and their impact, and a few matchups.     Continue reading ...

Your Christmas Douchebag

biggestdoucheintheuniverse.jpgRob Parker...didn't I hear that name before?  Oh yeah, that is the guy that called Hammerin Hank a coward for not being on hand for Barry Bond's record breaking homer.  He is the guy that got suspended for telling lies about a Michigan State quarterback. 

You know how sometimes, when you are on your Christmas break or whatever, and you lay around the house and eat too much chocolate and then every crap you take sticks to your ass like epoxy?  Rob Parker reminds me of that kind of deuce.  His questioning of Marinelli was unprofessional and sophomoric.  He asked his question, received the answer he was going to get, and then insisted that the answer was unsatisfactory by asking again.  All of that was done with a very unprofessional tone.  When he received the same answer his participation should have ended since the coach indicated that he wasn't going to receive any more of a response.  Instead, Parker inserted himself into the story by being a total cunt (which is a word I only reserve for cunts).  I Wikipediaed this guy and discovered that he has a graduate degree in journalism from Columbia, which is astounding since the I was told as a college freshman in room 210 of Ernie Pyle Hall at Indiana University in a class called Journalism 204 that good journalists shouldn't be cunts and talk shit about a guy's daughter.  I don't know, maybe I heard it wrong, there is a good chance I was high or tired from being sexually slaughtered by former Catholic schoolgirls who hated their fathers.  I am not CERTAIN.   I am, however, relatively convinced that Parker is one of those guys who keeps his job by being caustic and inflammatory and inserting that attitude into a non-story in an effort to make it a sensationalized ad seller.
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How do these bums keep winning?

Thumbnail image for rhodes.jpgThe most overstated stat in the lexicon of stats spouted towards the Colts is the idea of the one that says they have only allowed 5 touchdown passes.  It leads you to assume that they are somehow a good pass defense.  In fact, the Colts pass defense gives up so many easy, intermediate passes that teams get deep into the red zone before they score and simply run it in instead of using their passing game.

This defense is far too soft in the passing game, and tackling far too poorly to beat anyone, let alone a team that played as well tonight as Jacksonville did.  Yet they did.  How did these bums win?  They scored 17 points in the 4th quarter.  That is amazing.  Thanks for that go almost entirely to Peyton Manning, Dom Rhodes, and Jeff Saturday.  It is getting old to say that Peyton is great, but let us face it, his game right now is indefatigable, unparalleled, and omnipresent. 

Peyton Manning MVP?     You better believe it.




(Thanks nfl.com for the pic.)



   

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The Shooter Reborn!

http://www.cobrabrigade.com/assets_c/2008/12/rodbeck-thumb-275x495-8125.jpgYou can't put your finger on it.  Is he falling forward?  Is it the mustache?  What is he doing with his hand?  Why can't I stop looking at his hand?   I...




It doesn't matter if you are seducing some cougar in an airport bar.

It doesn't matter if you are negotiating with a 70-year old diabetic woman at the DMV.


It doesn't matter if the judge has decided to try you as an adult.


It doesn't matter if your blog partners have abandoned you.

He's got your back.  He is there.



Enter the Shooter...REBORN  Continue reading ...

Hey fella, you want a butt pat?

pat.jpgWith the rare easy schedule for the Colts in the last half of the season, it has been sorta slow in Colts world.   I don't want them to overlook teams like Detroit and they certainly better not overlook Jacksonville, who could call their season a pyrrhic victory if they prevented the Colts from making the Playoffs.  (Okay, timeout, IU's basketball squad has 11 turnovers in about two minutes.  I am gritting my teeth so hard my ears hurt.)  Anyway, before we get into the stretch of our Playoff run I want to hand out a few butt pats to guys who have really made the season worth watching despite the early slide.

 

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A word about playing injured.

kid.jpgI am not very athletic, but I sure do like sports.  If I want to keep up I have to be an effort player.  I have to get dirty, dive for the tweeners, tackle low even when it hurts.  Everything I do is a contact sport.  That is great for football and sex, but it makes doing the dishes an expensive habit.

I get hurt a lot.  Sometimes that is related to my style of play, sometimes it is related to my lifestyle outside of sport, but since I refuse to give up sport that means that I often play hurt.  Broken fingers, pulled muscles, the occasional fall from a significant height are in the bag somewhere.  The usual sort of thing for the active male.  I play through the pain partially because I think it enhances the males experience, partially because I can't bear the hit not playing would deliver to my carefully structured personae, and partially because I cannot afford proper health care.  Regardless, I have always looked down on athletes who don't play hurt.  I got an ugly look inside the consequences this past Sunday.
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Robert Mathis belongs in the Pro Bowl

mathis.jpg(It is way better for everybody if you relax.  Remember, too much lube is almost enough.)

The Colts are no where near where they should be, but they are where they are.  This offense is sick, playing hurt, and they have that tenor of a guy that has a fever, sweating profusely into his eyes and delirious from the experience.  They can't tell you up from down, left from right, but the end zone is THAT WAY and they are going to stumble, lurch and stagger in THAT DIRECTION as best they can.

The defense is becoming more and more interesting.  The ends completely took over the second half of the Cleveland game.  Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis are coming on at just the right time.  Robert Mathis belongs in the Pro Bowl.  There are players in the AFC who have more sacks than 98 and 93 but they are just about all outside linebackers in 3-4 defenses that are blitz happy.  I am not knocking their contribution or laying their numbers at the feet of a scheme, but the Colts hardly ever blitz which means that 93 and 98 are getting their production against maximum protection.  If you don't think that Dwight Freeney is worth his money, you are dummy.  His production last Sunday came against one of the best tackles in the league in Joe Thomas.  Thomas still had help on most plays, but Freeney was pressuring the pocket anyway.  This past Sunday, he was lined up against a rookie.  That is no recipe for Bengal success.    

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The first taco

taco.jpgOld Man Paine's birthday was celebrated last eve, and as per my mother's tradition, he was allowed to select the menu for dinner.  Though my tastes tend to gravitate towards the homegrown ham and cheesy potatoes, the old timer decided upon tacos as his meal of choice.  The why and wherefore were lost to me until he told this story.   

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I would like to make an announcement.

Bruce_wizard.jpgI am exhausted.  Mentally, physically and emotionally I am running out of go.  That is generally not my history.  I generally like the championship rounds, but I am running out of steam lately because things have been pretty hectic.  I am working more than my compensation justifies, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and I almost never see a computer.  Combine that with the super short days in Minnesota and the constant up before the sun and driving home after it and I just want to shoot a stranger.  Some of that is about to change.  Inside are the details.


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Colts versus Houston zzzzzzzzzzzzz

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The only way this game can make a headline is if the Colts lose.  The only way I can feel good about this game is if the Colts offense scores on every possession and if the defense pitches a shutout.  Here is a little food for thought.  In 2003, the Colts offense discovered itself in the second half of a Monday night football game against the Tampa Bay defense.  Up until that point, Hunter Smith was kicking about 66 punts a year.  For the next four years he averaged ten less.  This year, through 9 games, he has kicked 37.  That puts him on pace for 65.  Are we back to the beginning?  Have we come full circle? 
  
    I think a careful fan and evaluator of the Colts realizes that the Colts are desperately trying to get back to the offense that drove teams into the ground like a triphammer, and scored with seeming ease and magic every time they touched the ball. But that may not be an option, and the fans (AND THE TEAM) should perhaps awaken to the notion that they aren't the team they were before.  They don't have the personnel to be the offense they used to be.  They don't have Tarik Glenn.  They don't have an experienced slot receiver.  They don't have Edge James who, when at full capacity, was as dynamic and effective a back as any.  Manning and Harrison were so in sync that any time Manning threw away a pop can Marv would catch it and drop it in the recycling. 

   Now, we can't decide who our left tackle is and no matter who it is on a particular day they don't hold down their position as reliable and definitiavely as Skeeter did.  The playaction passing game that used to clean out the deep middle is based on the threat of the run game, which is non existent.  Addai is losing more and more favor with me every game.  I don't see any solid ability to break into the second level, period.  At this point, I would rather have Rhodes starting.  Maybe Addai is gimpy, maybe the spot doesn't develop.  Regardless, he hits the hole and take the edge like a constipated grandmother.  He looks 35 years old.  Without better running, the slot receiver cannot develop the deep middle of the field, and therefor Gonzo will not develop as quickly.  I bitch a lot.  We are winning, so, I guess I will quit. 

One more thing, ESPN's power rankings are crap and the most ballless thing on their website.  They list the teams apparently with only regard for their total schedules, seemingly regardless of current win or loss streaks or injuries or strength of schedule.

 

Pittsburgh hands the Colts a victory.

carolalt.jpgWell, things aren't going well, but we won.  The defense makes two good plays and then gets lost.  The offense is out of whack.  The playcalling is horrible and unimaginative.  Still, the thing that drives me nuts is that Marvin Harrison, my favorite player of all time, is playing like crap.  he has to catch the fucking ball.  He dropped two touchdowns and a possible third on three different drives.  All three were catches he makes two years ago.  If you want to say he is out of physically, I don't know what game you were watching.  He was running around guys, getting behind them or just blowing them off the line.  The passes were there.  He just did not catch them.  He can't focus.  Somebody needs to go up to him in the locker room and say, "Hey, you haven't retired yet."  He stands to makes about 12 million buckaroos next year and I, of all people, think he may be a prime candidate for "renegotiation".

Game ball to Eric Foster.  That was a good play.  Linebackers played well.  Pass coverage is poor poor poor.  mathis continues to be excellent.

(the Carol Alt pick is for the Family Guy fans)      

The Indianapolis Colts and the A Gap

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Well, I have made a lot of comments about the problems inside the Colts defense.  I am trying to filter it down to as base and simple an answer as I can.  Doing that can be a problem, though, because defenses are complex systems of assignments and keys and reads and reactions.  Often, one thing going wrong can cause something else bad to happen and a problem can become systemic rather quickly.  One can point to the first thing that went wrong and say, "That is the problem right there!" but that might not always be the case because the of the psychology involved.  That guy may have made a mistake because he was attempting to compensate for a weakness at another point or because he perceived something to be amiss with the defensive set versus the offensive set.  When this happens, chaos reigns because any time spent doing another guy's job is time lost doing yours and football is a game of fractions of a second. 
   Still, I am trying to break this down as much as I can because it interests me and I like to talk about this kind of thing.  I think the biggest problem with the Colts' defense is on the defensive line (though our recent losses at corner may rear their head soon enough).  The biggest problem on the defensive line is with the defensive tackles and the biggest problem with the defensive tackles is the inability to occupy the A gap.  I will go into further detail inside.


Bear with me on this one, it is early on a Saturday morning and we are out of milk and Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch and my girlfriend isn't awake yet so we can't go out for breakfast.  I may run off on ridiculous tangents or wrote a really long post.  

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Indianapolis Colts Gameprep: Week 9 Prime Timer against the Patriots

gisele_bundchen_036.jpgWhen I was a boy I had a white horse.  I just thought I would say that.


This year's matchup doesn't have the flare that last years game had, and it probably won't be the knockdown drag out, either.  Still, if the Colts want to keep hope alive they need to win against the Pats.

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Thank you for calling me names, now what do I call you.

IU cheerleaders.jpgA while back, when Cobra Brigade still had visitors, Buck Rampage wrote this article about a conversation he had with a source inside of Indiana University.  As you can see, this drew some attention.  It was a big enough thing when it happened that Jack Cobra called me on the phone.  That is a big deal since 98.8% of our conversations in the last 4 years have taken place via text messages, even when visit him a couple months back we just sat on the couch and texted each other.  I would say we were gay but he just got ENGAGED and my girlfriend picks the lint out of my bellybutton and that, my friends, is mad, passionate love. 
    
   
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Also on the Network:

√ A few things... [Tremendous Upside Potential]
√ See You In the Swamp [Don't Boo The Birds]
√ The Manny Numbers [El Lefty Malo]

Baseball
√ The Shooter Reborn! [December 14, 2008]
√ Cubs Weekend [July 11, 2008]
Bruce Paine Archive
√ Your Christmas Douchebag [December 23, 2008]
√ The Shooter Reborn! [December 14, 2008]
Spring Training 08