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The Colts didn't win, Houston lost...kinda.

brooke-burke-picture-2.jpgI hope you can forgive the brief hiatus.  In a brief and desperate moment of my typical luck I cut one of my fingers off at work.  It took me a while to work up the ability to type again.  Fear not, friends, for the absent digit belonged to my non-throwing/shooting/masturbatory hand and it isn't slowing me down a bit.  I have already adjusted my Madden game to account for the loss and, in case some of you poseurs were thinking of taking a shot at the big belt buckle, I am still THE Bruce Paine.  I don't have to tell you the stories, I lived the life.

Before I talk about the Colts I want to throw a few links out there.

This is a nice bit of citizen journalism from Erin at Robots Took My Medicine.  I found it incredibly enlightening and a further example that blogs need to get as close as possible to what they cover in order to subvert the mass stream.

This is just another example that most of you should be far more upset about the way things are going than you actually are.  Maybe you shouldn't be as mad as I am, but you oughta be getting close.  If you are naive enough to think that Change You Can Believe In or Maverick politics are going to do something about it...well, I feel bad for you.  The shock and horror you will feel when you stand on your porch and watch them haul your neighbor away because he wasn't the right color, or liked dudes instead of chicks, or called a rich man out for being a villain, or wasn't on board politically with somebody who had a badge for one thing or another will be nothing compared to the shock and horror you feel when you realize that you are next, and you haven't done anything to prevent it.  Read your fucking history books, kids.  Here, have this instead.

If you want to read a funny story, read this, they named it Margaret.

In further truths regarding TV and movies:

Amy Adams is the best actress in Hollywood right now.  Genius level work.

Fringe is not the X-Files.  It has its high points, and it has a high production quality, and it isn't total crap.  It lacks originality, but I will forgive that.  But one of the important things that the X-Files had that made an impact was that it held onto its secrets.  Fringe is giving them up to easily.

Mongol isn't bad.  If you are expecting an epic scale deal, though, you won't get it.  The scope is much smaller than that.

I laughed at Get Smart.

Onto the Colts  

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Indianapolis Colts Gameprep Week 3: Win the ones you are supposed to.

tyra_banks_ap_165877g.jpgRolling back home to try to get that first win in the new stadium, the Colts host the Jacksonville Jaguars.  This is a game the Colts are clearly poised to win seeing as how they discovered themselves a bit in Minneapolis and Jacksonville has had trouble doing the things necessary to win.  The Jags hate the Colts, though, and that is a factor that is difficult to account for.  The Jags hate the Colts because we keep them from taking the next step year after year.  Both teams are beat up, but that won't make the hitting and the kicking in the mud and the blood and beer and easier.  Here is hoping for nice weather with the roof off.  More inside...   

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Mid Week Colts Report

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I will run a few comments by you on the Colts v Vikings and then give you a starting touch on the Colts versus the Jaguars.

The Colts won the game with their halftime adjustments, the Vikings gave it away with their second half playcalling.  The Minneapolis press is all over Jackson, but that is crap, he didn't get beneficial playcalling at all.

The Vikings are a little interesting.  They have talent, youth and veterans, but they don't have patience as a franchise or good sense.  Childress has the level head to make a good go as a coach.  Their defensive coordinator (Leslie frazer, former Dungy assistant) is solid in the Xs and Os and has a good mind for preparation and tactics.  The offensive coordinator is another matter.
 
The Colts are a poor blocking team in all phases right now.  Veterans are screwing up, rooks look like rooks, and they have an average yards per play that is unacceptable for their talent level.  As weird as it sounds, the defense may keep us in it for the next month.

Joseph Addai has had a few moments of individual accomplishment, but looks really poor.  Certainly it is not all his fault, but something has to give.  It is absolutely time to get the stretch back into the playbook, Manning will just have to get the girl out of him.

Jags look to be hurt even worse than us, but this game next week is going to be ugly and rough.

More inside...

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What's It Like to be a Cubs Fan?

cubs400x290.jpgWhat’s it like to be a Cubs fan? I’ve been asked that twice in my life. Once by a former work supervisor after the 2003 playoff loss and once by Jordi a few months ago. Neither time could I come up with an answer that I felt would truly display what it was like so I sat silently. After being inspired by an ESPN.com post, I’m finally going to give it a shot.

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Colts versus Vikings Liveblog

Okay, i finally got Moveable Type to save this so it should be up and going now, come on in to see the liveblog.   Continue reading ...

Indianapolis Colts Gameprep Week 2: Get your head in the game.

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This week hasn't been much of a week.  The Colts loss has really thrown me.  Thursday was the tipping point.  I work a highly detailed job that only pays ten bucks an hour.  I can't believe I graduated from college.  I have to drive for 50 minutes every morning to get to that job.  I have to drive right through the middle of downtown Minneapolis to get there because, in case you hadn't heard, the bridge is out.  That near hour of driving only covers 7 miles.  Its sucks and this week has just been worse.  I was off all week, which meant my projects were off.  I was mistake free for over a month and then i made three huge mistakes in two days.  It is catastrophic for me. 

It rained all day today, and I was late heading home from work because I kept screwing up.  Being late leaving work put me right in the middle of the worst traffic Minneapolis can offer.  So there I was, stuck in the middle of 60 story buildings, noise, and cars.  It was too dark for me to put my sunglasses on, thanks to the rain.  For those that don't know the Paine, that is like asking me to cut off arm.  I was down, feeling low, and had nowhere to go.  Normally I chuckle on my way home.  In downtown Minneapolis there is a sex shop named "Lickety Split", and I have to sit in traffic next to it for about 5 minutes.  They have a marquee that scrolls messages.  Evidently they have a 100 game arcade room, video rental, bondage toys, locally produced erotic clothing, a gay section, a lesbian section, and all sorts of things.  In the window is a variety of clothing, like corsets, nipple exposing bras, crotchless panties, testicle clamps, cock cages, one of the Jenna Jameson sex dolls in a really hideous party dress, the whole nine yards.  I sat next to it, feeling like crap, and I saw the cashier next to the door.  She looked happy.  Her job was better than mine.  She liked herself more than I like me. 

It stopped raining and I rolled down my window.  How could we let Chicago just walk right up the middle like that?  A guy walked out of the sex shop with an inflatable doll sticking our of a black bag and big smile on his face.  The corner of my mouth turned up.  In the far south, visible at the end of the crevasse of skyscrapers, the sun cracked through clouds.  The aviators slid smoothly back into place.  How are we going to shore up the middle with Ed Johnson in the pokey?  I heard the familiar, metallic gasp of Angus Young's SG as "Who Made Who" started up.  The radio cranked, the world through amber lenses, the light turned green and I went back in time.  Not far, just to 2005, when Hot Tub and I first got season tickets to the Colts.  For just a moment, I went back home.  When I came back to the future, it was over.  I may still be in a crappy mood, and I may hate a job because it was the one I could get, and I may hate the government and it may be FUCK the PO-lice in the commonwealth of Bruce Painia, but at least I am over the Colts losing to Chicago.  Things are back to normal.   
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Colts release starting DT Ed Johnson. One strike is all you get.

johnson340x.jpgThe Colts released Defensive Tackle Ed Johnson today hours after he was arrested.  The arrest took place following a traffic stop for a speeding infraction that resulted int he discovery of marijuana.  This may look like a "What the Hell happened?" situation but there are prior circumstances.  Johnson was signed as an unrestricted free agent last year and started 16 games following the injury to Booger McFarland.  Johnson had been kicked off of Penn State's football team after he was arrested for a battery charge (I think) filed by a young co-ed.  Polian asked Joe Pa if Johnson was redeemable and Pa said he was if he could be made to behave.  They signed Johnson and made it clear to him that they would brook no misbehavior.  Evidently this is too much misbehavior because they sure followed up on their promise.

The problem is that this depletes an already poor defensive tackle position for the Colts.  After a game last week that I am still mulling over, it was clear that the Colts lack effectiveness in the DT spot.  How they solve this I am not sure.  They may move Raheem Brock back to a more regular place in the middle or they may just gamble on Keyunta Dawson and Darrell Reid making an impact.  Regardless, a defense that has solid pplayers at every position was exposed by a lack of talent at one position.  Somethin gotta give, sug.   

An uncharacteristic gutting early leads to early season gut check for Colts

I want to put a picture of vomit here, but I am not going to do it for your sake.  I know you don't come here very often, so I don't want to be a jackass.

The Colts just got stomped on by da Bears and one thing is clear, some things are going to have to change for the Colts.  The first thing: Manning.  Life has been pretty easy for Peyton Manning.  He was born to wealthy parents, was blessed to have athletic gifts, and had the work ethic and discipline to cultivate them into a career.  Things aren't going to be smooth in Indy, though, with veteran guards gone and rookies and 2nd year guys in place.  He is going to have to get used to pressure up the middle and accept it.  No bitching, no whining, and no loss of focus.  He is going to have to put his work back in and get back in sync with Wayne and Harrison and build rapport with Gonzo and Gijon.  Things won't come easy with a bunch of rooks in the middle, so don't act like it surprises you.

He had also better get used to playing without Joe Addai.  I think even the casual Colts fan has come to see the frequency with which Addai sits out with a head injury.  The guy is getting knocked around a bit, and they need to make sure the backups are getting in there and doing the job, particularly on blocking.

The difference in this game was in the Colts mental mistakes.  The fumble led to a touchdown, the unconverted 4th and 3 led to a touchdown, and the safety was worth 2.  Add that up and you have the difference.  It was the Colts game to go and win, particularly in the early 3rd, but they couldn't do it.  The Bears were not spectacular and they did not need to be to win.  All the Bears had to do was not lose it, and kudos to them for not doing it, Grossman would have thrown three picks in that game.  The Bears got up and then executed.  That is how you play well, how you win in most cases, but the Colts are talented enough to overcome even that.  Tonight, though, they were uncoordinated and poor.   Good job, Bears.
 

Colts opener Liveblog (or something close to it).

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It has been a long day here in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  My girlfriend and I have been moving into a new apartment, and that sort of stress puts a strain on any relationship.  Not only that, but I can be an asshole, and that doesn't always help.  Still, I made it back to the new apartment in time to sit down and watch the game, and maybe liveblog it, come on in to see if I am successful.

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Indianapolis Colts Week 1 Gameprep: Tear the roof off the mutha

When Bruce Paine thinks about Colts football, he looks like a more masculine version of this.

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In the Sunday night offering the Bears will come down to Indy to peel the protective blue cellophane off of Lucas Oil. Unfortunately they are going to find the Colts inside, and the Colts are going to kick the monkeynuts out of them.  That said, come inside to find out how and why and when. 

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Bruce Paine (That Boy Needs Therapy) with early week Colts thoughts.

I can't quit my job because people that aren't me now depend on my income.  I can't go back in time despite my belief that there are many eras in the past where a person such as myself would be found more suitable because Sony and Apple have not seen fit to provide me with a F#$%ING TIME MACHINE!  I can't watch television because I don't have cable and the networks don't produce good television that isn't a sport (God knows cable doesn't really commit to the creative process but by comparison...).  I can't find a job that I enjoy or understand because I believed in a baleful image that was eagerly provided by my elders and teachers when I was younger.  I have no control over my own life because suicide seems so...cowardly.  If I didn't find the prospective Colts season so interesting I would have no choice but to turn to soft drugs and alcohol.  Well, lets not count that out just yet...
fencing.jpg  (Grilling the way it was meant to be)

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Indianapolis Colts trim roster to 53, only keeping two quarterbacks.

Fresh off a trip back to Indiana, I have returned in time to set up a post for the Colts.  The Colts cut some guys last week to settle in to their 53-man roster for the regular season.  There were some surprises and a couple of shockers in the cuts that opened my eyes.  I want to believe that I would have seen them coming if I had been back in Indiana during the preseason and been able to see more of the games, but I can’t even be confident of that.  Perhaps the biggest shock was the cutting of both Jared “Frisch's” Lorenzen and Quinn Gray.  With Manning taking the preseason off and Sorgi a little nicked up I had thought, as I am sure some of you did, that Gray may be held over and the Colts would go in with three quarterbacks.  Again, Bill Polian is full of surprises.

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Fantasy Football Drafting is Fun?!?! No.



From the Desk of Jack Cobra


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Olympic Fever Hits Cobra Brigade

olymp.jpgYeah, I love Olympic sports.  I am not ashamed of it.  I don't care much for some of the sports that have arbitrary scoring (those scored by the arbitrary opinion of judges and not by the outcome of a contest or event) like gymnastics or diving, but I respect the skills.  The other Olympic sports like shooting, judo, boxing, swimming, track, cycling, volleyball, wrestling and whatnot.  I was stuck to the TV to watch the opening games (kinda by default since my girlfriend is an Olympic nut and a former college athlete in an Olympic sport) and there was a lot to see.  I woke up the next morning to find an email ready and waiting from the long and lost Jack Cobra.  It appeared as follows with my comments in italics.


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NCAA Football Schedule is here.

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a lot of you have been coming back asking for the NCAA Football Schedule spreadsheet with the helmets that we had last year.  Well, here it is.

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(Leroy Keyes)




 


Also on the Network:

√ What About That Prediction Now? [Who Made You Mirabelli?]
√ It could be worse. We could be the Cubs. [Tremendous Upside Potential]
√ Giant Awards [El Lefty Malo]
√ Caught Nap-ping [Who Made You Mirabelli?]

Spring Training 08